In September of 1986, I was sitting on a wooden deck on a scenic overlook in a deserted camp outside a tiny mountain town in South Carolina. I had a pack of Salem 100s alongside my deck chair, and I was smoking one. Next to me, a cold thermos of sweet tea stood like a tall white bride next to the short, square groom of a transistor radio.

Preacher Johnny Òthe DieselÓ Wesley was thundering away on authority: ÒAnd listen to me you young person, the preacher is the man of God. What these libruls and God-denying, panty-waisted evangelicals hate is the simple clain of God-given authority! You owe respect and loyalty to the Man of God, young people. You owe him your allegiance---Ó

I rotated the dial, and Johnny the Diesel, whom we had called ÒDiesel the Weasel back in Bible college, slipped into the radio ether. In a moment, as I turned the dial, Steppenwolfe came pounding through the thin grill: Get your motor runnin', head out on that highwayÉ. I stopped there. The guitar and drums beat through the stillness with a wild beauty of their own.

The overlook faced a broad and lovely view below: the ribbon of narrow highway crisscrossed back and forth on its winding way up the mountain, and tiny glimpses of bright red, sky blue, or canary yellow walls of tiny cottages peeked out from the dense foliage along the ledges of the mountain side below. They looked like they had been built right into it, or rather, like they had grown out of it.

The hot sun beat down on my bare legs. For this occasion, in honor of freedom, I had cut a pair of jeans off at the thigh, and my exposed legs, stark white, were getting their first ever exposure to sun bathing. I actually didn't like it. Flies kept settling on my bare skin. Also, I donÕt like sun burn, and I knew I would be sunburned, but I had no sun screen with me. And I wasn't going to put on real jeans in this heat.

I took another drag on the cigarette and turned my gaze over to where the line of highway disappeared around a ledge lower down. The very corner of the town was visible, a tiny settlement made up of three gas stations, a McDonald's, a hardware store, and a small, inconsequential grocery that even the local citizens ignored.

In the opposite direction, though I could not see it from my perch, was the larger town of Black Mountain. Most people took the trouble to drive there if they wanted to shop or eat out. And there, come Monday morning, I would be working as a manager trainee for Simpsons Department Store. I was now, officially, on my own: a grown woman.

Fire all of your guns at once, and explode into spaceÉ. The radio howled.

I took another drag and sipped the cold, sweet tea from the sweating glass. Solitude at last. All my life, I had been put into situations, moved about, herded along with my evangelist father, part of the grand "Dad is a man of God" show. I'd graduated with straight A's from an unaccredited Baptist school up in Indiana, and I had spent the summer at home, looking for work. But this was all that I'd found. Apparently, straight A students from unknown Bible schools with inadequate academics did not have their pick of all the best jobs. So, against my father's wishes, I had chosen to accept the one offer I'd received: Manager trainee at a large department store, a hundred miles away from my parents.

Dad took the decision as an act of direct disobedience. He still had the power to surprise me. But I had not counted on his extreme disappointment that I had not found a husband in college. The "Dad is a man of God" show relied upon a certain progression, and now the time had come for me to be married, raising children, and reflecting through my life what a fine father he had been.

So my choice to leave home, take the job, work full time, and take advantage of the benefits program to attend night school, was a rejection of what he had planned for me. He took it like a slap in the face. And Dad was never one to turn the other cheek. He had promised me a car upon graduation, but now he said I had not earned it because I had disappointed him so badly.

For a few days, his reneg on the car appeared to end all hopes for me for the new job, but when I called the HR manager at Simpsons, she told me that many of the people car pooled, and she could get me rides into work with no difficulty, so long as I didnÕt mind a few extra hours here and there waiting for everybody to get off shift. I told her no, I didnÕt mind at all.

And my mother, in a rare move, finally took my side. The year before, she had caught Dad in an affair with a secretary from a distant church. They hardly spoke to each other unless I was at home, and even then it was only polite. Neither was in the least interested in what the other did or what the other thought. But for the moment, Mom held the high card. If she divorced him, she would ruin him. In Fundamentalist circles, at least back hen, preachers could not be divorced. So he blustered to her only as much as he dared.

He still wouldnÕt give me a car, but two weeks before I was scheduled to start work, he grudgingly told me he had arranged free rooming for me at a care takers cottage for this small, bankrupt camp and RV park. A man who attended one of the churches where Dad preached every year owned the land and had made the offer. It took me another few days to realize that the man had only heard of my need for a place to stay because my mother had called around to people in the churches up here.

I had a recent letter from Cinn. It gave more details on a rumor I had heard about Rush Pole, a preacher and the son of the newly appointed President of Greater Independent Baptist College:

The newspaper in Indianapolis listed Rush Pole on its crime page. He's been busted for domestic violence. I heard from Pixie at GIBC, and she told me that Rush has been living with a woman off and on. He beat her year-old son so badly the boy was rushed to the hospital. Six of his bones are broken. But Rush is out on bail. He's scheduled to preach at the Youth Rally in Texas in two weeks. The church in Texas is already saying that the charges against Rush are more of the left wing, liberal conspiracy to close down Preacher's Mack's school and college.

Rush Pole had been held up to the student body for years as the example of what everybody should try to be. He had been ordained into the ministry at age 20. But he'd already been arrested once for sex with a minor. The college had covered up the incident. I didnÕt want to be anything like Rush Pole.

Somebody, somewhere along the line, had told powerful lies that I had believed for years. So here I was, smoking my first cigarette, listening to Steppenwolfe for the first time (15 years late), wearing my first shorts, and greeting the sunlight, the fresh breeze, the distant echoes of life from the scenic valley below, with a mixture of hurt feelings and anger at God.

If, in your church,

1. There are one to three members of the pastoral staff, a board of deacons, but no session of elders. Award yourself 5 points

2. There are no African Americans among the membership or regular visitors. Award yourself 5 points

3. Your pastor's wife has bouffy or Grand Ol Opry style hair. Award yourself 1 point

4. The deacon's wives have bouffy or Grand Ol Opry style hair. Award yourself 1 Point for each head of hair.

5. A building or meeting room has been named after your pastor or former pastor who is still living and is less than 70 years old. Award yourself 5 points.

6. There is no session of elders, but membership is over 200 and members of the pastor's family are in senior church staff positions. Award yourself 10 points.

If Your Pastor,

7. Uses folksy words like "gloryland" instead of theologically accurate terms, from the pulpit. Award yourself 1 point

8. Cannot name ten Christian martyrs accurately from history, apart from the martyrs named in Scripture. Award yourself 1 point. If you don't know if he can or not, just skip this question.

9. Cannot name five Christian martyrs accurately from history, apart from the martyrs named in Scripture. Award yourself 5 more points. If you don't know if he can or not, just skip this question.

10. Cannot name five Christian martyrs accurately from history, even including the martyrs named in Scripture. Award yourself 5 more points. If you don't know if he can or not, just skip this question.

11. Holds both of his lapels with his head up while preaching. (Holding both lapels while looking down does not count. Stroking his lapels does not count either, and holding only one lapel does not count.) Award yourself 1 point.

12. Talks at length about football during the sermon. Award yourself 5 points.

13. Calls himself and signs himself as "Doctor," even though he has only an honorary doctorate. Award yourself 3 points.

14. Calls himself and signs himself as "Doctor," even though he has only an honorary doctorate, and his doctorate has been awarded to him by his own school and/or church. Award yourself 7 more points.

15. Has ever declared that you must dress a certain way or cut or wear your hair a certain way to "be right with God". Award yourself 10 points

16. Has preached on loyalty to the preacher as a vital necessity of "being right with God." Award yourself 50 points

17. Habitually tells jokes while preaching. Award yourself 1 point

18. More than once in a year, advocates corporal punishment from the pulpit as the only proper way to raise any child, anywhere. Award yourself 5 points.

19. Makes positive references to books or sermons by Jack Hyles or Tim Lahaye or Rick Warren and has never referenced any book or sermon by John Bunyan or Charles Haddon Spurgeon. Award yourself 0 points if you have been attending the church for a year or less. Award yourself 3 points if you have been attending the church for one to five years. Award yourself 5 points if you have been attending the church for more than five years.

20. Uses the terms "go soul winning" and "get saved" more than the terms "repent and believe" in sermons. Award yourself 10 points

21. Teaches that the good works that a Christian performs causes the Christian to be sanctified. Award yourself 50 points

22. Has ever used a sermon illustration in which a gypsy boy dies (Award yourself 1 point), an impoverished child of a coal miner dies (add another point), a little golden haired child of either gender dies (add another point). Award yourself 1 point per corpse.

23. Has ever devoted an entire sermon on who to vote for as your Christian duty. Award yourself 5 points

24. Has had Jack Hyles or Dave Hyles preach, teach, or speak since 1993. Award yourself 10 points

25. Has ever used the term "out from under the umbrella of God's protection" in the context of a serious warning regarding obedience to the pastor or membership in the church. Award yourself 50 points

26. Has ever used the term "out from under the umbrella of God's protection" in the context of a serious warning regarding any other relationship to authority. 20 points

27. Has ever gone to Pastor's school in Hammond Indiana without regretting it later. Award yourself 10 points.

28. Has ever insisted in a sermon that King James was a godly man. Award yourself 10 points

29. Has ever blamed the arrest of a church member or church officer or Fundamentalist preacher accused of child abuse or perversion on a liberal media or a God-hating legal system. Award yourself 50 points

30. Has ever devoted an entire Sunday sermon to dress standards as a means of "being right with God." Award yourself 5 points

31. Has never preached that a husband must love his wife without making the husband's love conditional upon the wife's submissiveness. Award yourself 10 points

32. From the pulpit, talks more about your sinfulness than his own sinfulness. Award yourself 20 points

33. From the pulpit, has never mentioned himself repenting and seeking the Lord concerning his own sinfulness or a weighty matter that was too great for him to deal with. Award yourself 20 points

34. Has ever told a person, in person, via e-mail, via snail mail, or through a sermon, to shove it. Award yourself 20 points

35. Has ever, in person, via e-mail, via snail mail, or through a sermon, used profanity in calling another person names. Award yourself 20 points

36. Nobody on the church pastoral or eldership session visits all the families of all the bus kids. Award yourself 20 points.

37. The pastor justifies bad behavior on his part based on how others have behaved. Award yourself 20 points.

38. Has ever misrepresented or misquoted Scripture in order to win an argument. Award yourself 10 points.

39. Can describe the way a gun operates, how to take it apart, clean it, put it back together and/or aim/fire it in greater detail than he can describe the theology of the book of Romans. Award yourself 20 points.

I will not have peace with you until you make peace with God.

Your church leadership has engaged in idolatry, from which it has not repented.
Your church leadership openly defied the Scriptural mandate for purity in church office by bringing a divorced man with a history or violence and rampant adultery onto church staff.
Your church leadership hid that man's sin when he was once again caught, and refused to bring him before the congregation for biblical discipline.
Your church leadership passed him to another unwitting church congregation.
You have openly advocated the pastorates of disobedient, ignorant, and wrathful man in complete disregard for God's Word and the laws laid down in Scripture for the office of elder.
Your behavior has been deceitful, spiteful, petty, and even vulgar. You have not changed.

You are unfit for the office you claim; your father is unfit, and your brother is unfit. You will lead that flock into shame again because you continue to embrace shame and disobnedience. I plan to continue to document your disobedience, and I plan to continue to speak on behalf of those victims of Dave Hyles that you want to remain forgotten.

He [Guy Beaumont] snipes and cuts and berates, then announces that none of us should take the forum "too seriously," then claims to be praying for us. He hurts us because he loves us. Like Hyles, he chastises and humiliates his circle of influence because he's "investing" in us. Such tender pastoral care.

And this works for certain "sheep." As I've commented before, it's
essentially the Stockholm Syndrome, in which the captive falls in love
with his captors.

Is it any wonder that HAC and its ilk are nuthouses? Whose psyche
could survive this?